Dec 3, 2010

Posted by in Emotions, Lifestyle | 7 Comments

How to Build Up The Capacity To Forgive Someone and Forget

Hi there, Jesus loves you!

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” Lewis B.Smedes. Actually, I would say, “You will know that the capacity to forgive is being built up when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” This is because forgiveness is not a  process but a decision and sometimes, you may do it first by faith. When you decide to forgive, you forgive!

To some people, learning to forgive someone is one thing and to forget is another thing. But the truth is that when you actually forgive, and you remember the incidence later, it will be with no pain/hurt attached.

Unforgiveness imprisons a person and yields the person over to the control of the offender. The consequences of not forgiving, is too costly for anyone to consider harbouring it. Forgiveness on the other hand is the best revenge; it really provokes anyone who offends on purpose.

Steps to build up the capacity to forgive someone

  • It takes humility– Without humility, true forgiveness is impossible. Our pride is usually what is wounded when we are offended. Overcome pride and forgiveness is easy. So, if you are struggling with unforgiveness, check your pride, it may be the obstacle to your victory.
  • Ask for divine help– Sometimes, you really want to forgive and forget but the hurt is so deep and may be you are still physically suffering from the result of that offence, there is need for you to ask God to help you forgive the offender. God is ever ready to help us when we reach out to Him for help. Remember Jesus too had to forgive us all our sins and He remembers them no more.
  • Choose to pray for the person– This diverts your attention from the pain to the wellbeing of the offender. It snatches the power to hurt you from the offender. Practice this and you will see that the anger will fizzle out.
  • Verbally declare your forgiveness- For with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. Open your mouth and say,”I forgive so and so.” If the enemy tries to confuse you, open your mouth and say, “I believe I have forgiven so and so, so I have forgiven him.”
  • Go an extra mile– If you are still fighting with not forgiving, take some steps to help the offender in any way you can. Buy him a gift or take care of one or two things for him. That should drain any trace of effect the pain still has on you.
  • Grow in the Lord– A matured Christian has the capacity to absorb the weaknesses of others and to forgive all offences. The more of God within you, the more of God you manifest. So build up your spiritual life in Christ and you will find it very easy to forgive and forget.
  • Choose to walk in love-You can only forgive to the degree to which you love. You easily forgive anyone you love. Therefore make a decision to walk in love no matter who the offender may be. Remember, you are to love unconditionally. 1 Cor 13:1-8 gives a good description of this unconditional love.
  • Talk to the offender– If necessary talk to the offender about the offence. But ensure your motive is right –to make peace. Your motive determines what you say, how and when you say it. The truth is that people may offend us unknowingly, so do give them the benefit of doubt.

As long as we are still alive, offences will surely come. Learning how to forgive someone is very important if we are to enjoy our short time on earth. And if we are to remember the incidence in future, let it be to help others to forgive too. Remembering it will be without pain because the root of the pain would have been uprooted.

When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it. Louis B. Smedes.

How else can you build up the capacity to forgive someone and remember the pain no more?

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  1. inspirational words………. i have been finding it hard to forgive people who have wronged me,….. but I thank GOD for this message….. be blessed

  2. Thank you very much. This is more of what I need on how to. The process esp if the results of that hurt are still visible and painful.

  3. Thank you so much this very passage and piece of information is very encouraging.Because I personally only found help form God in terms of “forgeting the hurt even when I thought I forgave” I totally agree that when you forgive you get so free at heart and you do not have any heaviness any more! You later find life so good and your relationship peaceful.The offender tends to respect you and love you even more! Hallelujah! GOD IS SO TRUE AS IS WORD IS!

    • Thanks for your comment and encouragement, Inonge. You may not be doing what I am doing now but what you are doing already in your place of work and neighbourhood is awesome. More grace to you. Love you too.

    • Hi Inonge, thanks for sharing.

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