Do you desire to have lasting love in your marriage? This is surely the wish of many Christian couples, however many of their relationships are either struggling or collapsing. This is not God’s desire for any of His children. This post aims at enlightening you on how to build lasting love in your marriage.

He who does not love does not know God, for God is love – I John 4:8 (NKJV).

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away – I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NKJV).

Marriage is a spiritual institution and so should not be entered into or followed in the flesh, you need the help of God. Marriage is more than mere “I DO” though it’s part of the beginning. It is the bonding of a woman and a man spirit, soul and body. That’s why if you have sex, which is of marriage, with a harlot you become one with her and reap the consequences of it, the wrath of God.

For one to have lasting love in marriage you must know LOVE Himself. God is love (I John 4:8)! How much you know Him determines how lasting your love for your spouse will be. Your love for God determines how much you will love your spouse. I’m not talking about Eros (Love of the body or sexual desire) or Philia (Brotherly love), though you need them in marriage. I am talking about Agape love if lasting love is what you desire to have in your marriage. You need to love your spouse with the love of God. It will always pass the test of time. Others may fail but not Agape love.

God’s kind of love

The scriptures in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 give a description of what God’s love is. This is how to love your spouse, no conditions attached. That was how Jesus loved us that while we were yet sinners He died for us (Romans 5:8). God expects us to love our spouses like Jesus loves us. You are to love him or her, not because he or she loves you but essentially because you love God and you want to please Him. Otherwise, if you ever think that your spouse doesn’t love you again, you may quit loving him.

What next?

In marriage, it’s not about what you can get from your spouse or what he or she can give you; it is about what you can give him or her. Marriage is about what you can contribute into his or her life. God thought about marriage and instituted it because He felt something was missing in Adam and He made a help-meet for Him (Genesis 2:18). So, in marriage you are to supply whatever may be lacking in your spouse. You are not to get him or her to supply what is lacking in you; that shouldn’t be your focus. For you to have lasting love, you need to mind your own part of responsibility and believe God to help your spouse do his or her own part.

The truth is that if you are depending on your spouse to make you happy you will be in trouble. He or she doesn’t have the capacity to do that. Your happiness and joy lie in God. If He fulfills it through your husband or wife, that’s great. But you must choose to solely depend on God for everything in your marriage. Choose to please God all the time and you will always please your spouse, and he or she will reciprocate same to you. Jesus, desiring to please God, the Father, always was a blessing to the people (John 8:29, Acts 10:38).

Furthermore, you can’t love and not give. You may give without loving, but there is no way you will love and not give: your time, energy, and resources. Giving is living. God showed what it means to love by giving His only Son and there is nothing else He won’t give you (John 3:16, Romans 8:32). Therefore, learn to give your best and all to your spouse.

In conclusion, do you desire to have a lasting love in marriage, then first know God (who is Love) and obey His instructions, choose to please your spouse, putting him or her first before you and make giving a lifestyle in your relationship and you will be building a lasting love in your relationship.

Jesus is Lord!

Ngozi Nwoke
Grace and peace of God be unto you.

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